island of isolation

Loneliness is not a healthy state to be in. Can we blame anyone if we are lonely? We cannot but that is what we do. We fail to see that it is our failing and keep falling into deeper dungeons of darkness. One entity takes monstrous form during this period, our SELF PITY.
I was alone as a child though I was surrounded with people. My parents, brothers and the continuous flow of guests, relatives and friends could not cheer me up when I felt lonely. As I grew up I realized the need to interact more with people. I slowly created a large circle of acquaintances. Yes that was what they were, people just known to me. I just went with the flow of their daily activities. I tagged along with my neighbors on their shopping spree, played games with them, learnt craft and competed to finish it faster. I accompanied the stream of relatives on their hospital visits and sight seeing sprees. Sometimes I was compulsorily attached to wedding groups who shopped till they dropped. I also had a large circle of cousins who were settling abroad. Initially I joined them for their shopping. Later on I completed their unfinished business, booked tickets, collected their shopping orders and did all other sundry jobs for them. In this process I learnt a lot, something about everything. When I look back what I recollect is that it did not matter to me whether it was my job or others. All I needed was some activity to keep me engaged. Apart from keeping me occupied this phase also added new dimensions to my character. Among other things I picked up patience which otherwise I would have never learnt.
As my life moved forward I left behind many of these people and the activities. I raced with time to tend to my family. Today when the nest is almost empty, loneliness is engulfing me again. How did I reach to this state? It was a process of elimination that landed me in this island. I eliminated people because I could not vibe with them. Some I lost along with the cities I lived earlier. I could not accommodate some people because the wavelength was different. My strong opinions about how to live, cut me off from some more. My convictions did some more damage. I could not do something if I was not convinced about it. I considered flexibility as a sign of weakness. Unknowingly I was removing the sources of my interactions, one by one. Ultimately I lost contact with a majority of humankind in this selection process.
I realize now that what I learnt as a youngster, were valuable life lessons. People possess disparate world of thoughts. The differences are not their shortcomings. I was searching for me in others and that was futile. It is the variety that makes the world spicier. I lost this simple truth hence people also. With this thought dawning on me, I think I will be coming out of my imprisonment of isolation, pretty fast.
Interesting times ahead!